Commissions that changed my brain...

I love commissions. I know you're thinking (Of course you do, you get paid) I do get paid, yes... but allow me to elaborate. I love my work; I love what I paint, and I love how it makes me feel BUT.... my art is often dark, and heavy with my own negative emotions. Commissions though, that is someone else's thought. Someone else's feeling. Which forces me to step outside my own box and empathize on a level that is deep and almost spiritual. In this blog I talk about some of the commissions that took me outside my box.

*Watership Down:

The first that really had me stepping outside of what I would normally do was a painting I did that featured the theme of "Watership Down". This was one of my earlier more professional commissions. When I met with my client I had no clue what "Watership Down" even was. I automatically assumed that it was something of a war movie.... Over tacos and classic records I learned Watership Down was in fact a really touching story of perseverance by a warren of rabbits forced from their home by logging... I learned the story of how each of the rabbits had a symbol and what that meant to my client. I left their home with a ton of notes and a copy of the book for my own reading. I decided one night to also watch the animated movie so that I could grab colors and scene ideas from it for the painting. What a beautiful movie! The colors, the music.. it all felt nostalgic for something that didn't exist inside myself but was tangible at the same time. I sat with my sketch pad and a cup of coffee and designed what became the "Watership Down" painting that my client now proudly displays in their home. My first containing life and a deep dive into the subtleties that surround us in things we perceive to be so miniscule. From this painting I learned....not everything is what you assume it is.

*The Cabin:

The next painting that took me far outside my comfort zone and came at me from left field off a wild pitch. I was approached by someone to paint a saw blade.... Well initially I thought of a circular saw blade, smooth, small .. easy peasy...... lol My client then informed me it was actually a 6ft+ buck saw blade. If you have never seen one..... they use them to cut down large trees, it usually has a handle on each side so it can be used by two men at once and sorta looks like the Chesire cats smile... if it meant to eat you, that is... I met with my client and examined the blade. I was intimidated Ill admit. I honestly wondered if I could really accomplish what my client asked. During the meeting they spoke of their beautiful hunting cabin in the woods. Having been there myself I know of its incredible views and soul saving peace. They told me they wanted the blade to represent all the cabin meant to them. I envisioned a colorful sunset, bears, deer, all manner of trees and flowers! I received the blade and although the client sanded it down for me it was still old and pitted meaning it would take a new technique and a lot of paint to be able to do it properly without it looking pock marked. The background took 3 days alone to layer everything in properly, and the main part of the blade was done in one foot chunks over a period of a couple weeks. This one also left me with a physical reminder of it forever when it fell from the table I was working on and right on to my left leg... teeth down lol From this painting I learned.... BE PATIENT!!!

*"Verklempt:

I was contacted for a client who wished to commission a work for his daughter. This had to be a digital exchange as the client does not live in Wa. He asked for 3 simple components to be tied in together somehow in a painting. The first element was a whisp off of a seeding dandelion, a hummingbird and a small hand written smiley face. As I spoke with the client I started to form an idea and immediately established a sketch but the reason this painting ended up on this list is NOT because of the sketch. While I painted this I thought about my clients relationship with his daughter and how powerful the connection was that my client shared with me and as I always try to empathize with my client while I paint for them, it took me out of my comfort zone to find ,I was suddenly incapable of understanding the relationship from the perspective of the child. Having only ever had superficial parental role models, the idea of unconditional love was not presented to me until the birth of my own children. With this commission I stepped outside that feeling and like the connection between my client and his daughter I connected the elements to make one connected piece. With this painting, I learned to let go.

"The Human Experience"

This one has quite in intense story with it.... A special client came to purchase a piece of original art from me one day and while here they had asked about commissioning a piece from me with an odd theme to it. (I say special because I think of this man like a father. Hes always had words of wisdom just in his back pocket, a song on his lips and joy in his heart. He found me at one of my lowest points and taught me to love myself through it. This man means the world to me <3 )

The theme? " We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience". I was speechless and completely stumped. The canvas sat blank for 3 days until a color scheme began to take shape in my head. No sketch existed for this one initially and I let music and my emotions take over. The background shifted 3 times, I was so frustrated I couldnt get the color right......finally I ran out of a blue I was using and was forced to keep it as it was. The tree took a couple of days and appeared initially in a "painting trance", where as the other elements fought me the whole way and forced me to consider what a human experience meant. I wasn't sure how I felt about the tree at first but slowly I saw where I could use it to place the elements I wanted. In the roots I placed the planets, the stars and the galaxies, a process that was peaceful in itself as I was not conformed to keep with color ideas. I love working on trees so filling the branches was no problem, I didn't want to overload them.... in terms of symbolism the tree isn't hugely fertile and green but instead resilient and adaptive much like the human spirit... bringing me to the final element... the human spirits recycling themselves back into the tree of life, I didn't just want to fill the space I wanted to drive home the tree of life absorbing all things back into itself and so the idea of souls recycling took shape. At first I was upset with myself over this painting. I wanted to do better, I sat and stared at it one night for a good 20 minutes but nothing about it wanted to change.... I realized I was being to hard on myself and once again my alter ego knew what she was doing..... The human experience is messy, its frustrating, its unpredictable, its painful and rewarding.... The human experience is exactly what I felt when I painted this piece, and it needed no change unless my client advised otherwise. With this painting I learned to trust my gut.

These are just 4 of the beautiful works that I have created out of the vision of another beautiful being. Each commission carry's a special meaning for me as its a personal piece of my client I get to represent with the talent I possess. Each one taught me something significant but these 4 changed the way I paint commissions forever by the thought process required to paint them.

Painting has awakened something in my heart, lighting a fire I had no idea could even be lit. Now all consuming.... I live for this. I live for the smell of the paint and the sound of the brush against clean canvas. I live to heal myself one brush stroke at a time. As always, thank you for reading.

My love to you all

CR