Holy Sh*t.... I sold one.....

If you want to know just how nerdy and sentimental I really am, this entry will shed a lil light on that. I made my first official sale in my etsy shop this weekend and it wasnt a small purchase either. In fact... it made me fall over....

On the weekends and holidays I take NO SHAME in making those days my own. I do not lend out my time off, just because I have time off does not mean that time is up for grabs, it means Im unreachable lol . It either goes to my family, moments I choose (Not coerced, bribed, begged or otherwise manipulated..... CHOOSE) to participate in or to my art. Obligations need not apply until Monday, firmly at 6:30am.

So saturday afternoon, after finishing up some paintings, cleaning up and watching a lil college football, I decided to indulge in a nap with my dog. We curled up for a quick snooze and before I knew it, both of us were interuppting the game with our snoring.

About 45 mins into our lovely lil nap my phone repeatedly goes off, which tends to bother me and usually gets me up. I grab my phone to see what all the mess was about and I saw a notification from etsy... figuring it was just an ad I almost swiped it away when I saw the word "Congratulations" on it.

Still groggy and half asleep I open the app to see whats going on and ...boom..... "Congratulations on your first shop sale."

I startled so hard I rolled my butt right off the couch and scared the daylights out of my poor husband who was under the assumption I was still in a zombie state. After he stopped laughing he asked me if I was ok and the only thing I responded with was, "Holy shit, I sold one...."

I turned my phone around so he could see and sat slack jawed on the floor as I realized I not only sold a painting but I sold one of my more expensive paintings.

The painting was one I absolutely felt magic painting and was very attatched to. Part of me had hope that it would never sell and the other part of me told myself that if it did it was part of the process. To let a piece of myself go with a signature on it. Maybe then, I could let go of all the tiny lil shards of pain I had been holding on to.... and instead of hurting others when I give it away, they will see some kind of beauty in it. Some kind of power or magic inside it.

I paint places I want to go hide.

I paint places I dream of being alone in, places I wish I could pull others to.

The part that really heals me though, is when I paint the places I hurt in.

More often my paintings contain a feeling of loneliness or a missing component, intentionally so.... Most of my paintings are void of any life as far as actual physical life. I often paint the insinuation of life ( a lamp in the window, a smoking chimney), and Ive even painted the demise of life (A sinking ship, a woman falling to her death), But rarely will I paint life in its living human form and the reason why is quite simple.

Humans have always been somewhat of a let down to me,.. very rarely a source of inspiration. Repeatedly abandoned, abused and neglected by most adults and care takers in my youth, then moving to my teen years where being poor and beaten only got you more beat up and disliked, moving to young adult hood and starting a family early and being told by everyone around you you would fail and have them try to help facilitate that failure rather than help young parents.... moving to damn near middle age.... and learning your heart can break in new ways, once again at the hands of human beings you trust too much. Literally a pipe wrench to the shins everytime you tried to stand up, would make you a little leary of plumbers wouldnt it?

Each piece of my art tells you a little about myself that Im not saying out loud. If you can understand whats being said in these paintings then you understand my pain on a level that I wish you didnt.

Know that every piece of my art, is a huge piece of my heart. Included are some of my most sentimental pieces

My love to you all

CR