Karma's Legacy.....

This year did not start the way we thought that it would. We took our sweet Sassy girl to the doc for an ear infection.... only to find out she had an aggressive form of cancer that was draining the life out of her. Her red blood cells had stopped reproducing, and her body had begun to shut down...... We went from an ear infection, to planning her cremation so fast, none of us had time to process the cancer she had let alone process that we were to lose her.

In only 2 weeks our entire lives were flipped upside down.

It destroyed every soul in our family. Even my children were broken by the loss. My youngest son, and Karmas baby, slept with her blanket and teddy bear for days after she was gone.

My cat, whose 15 herself, was karmas best friend and instantly noticed that her long-time bestie wasn't there to cuddle with her in front of the furnace or on moms' bed to watch "Golden Girls".

My husband was destroyed knowing that her sweet face would never be there to greet him after a long workday.

I hesitate to say I was affected more..... but I was affected very differently...... That dog was my only friend.... the only one....

I don't leave my house often, if at all due to my MS and related symptoms.

I don't get visitors..

My only best human friend moved a few years ago and lives hundreds of miles from me in California.

After I left my full-time job of 8 years due to my illness relapsing, no one checked in, called or cared to invite me out anymore.

My life consists of painting, reading, homeschooling, sims and homemaking.

Frankly ........I'm ok with that.

Ive had people use it as an insult before saying "you have no friends" but in reality, I like it this way... people are mean.....dogs are not.....

The year before I adopted Karma, my mental health was at an all-time low. I attempted suicide multiple times and nearly succeeded once. I loved my kids but I didn't want to keep going, my mind was a warzone and I only wanted the screaming to stop, so I tried to make it stop. I was convinced I would ruin my kids and my husband with just who I was.

The cheapest form of anti-depressants that we could come up with......... puppy adoption. I already had 8 cats and that didnt work lol

With 2 small kids and only one income it was easier to add a dog to feed than it was to add in hundreds of dollars of medications which hadnt worked before. They had put me in the same spot I was in before only now I had the threat of being locked up by the state if I didnt get myself under control.

Unfortunately, our living situation was not the greatest and admittedly.... I lied to the humane society about having permission to have a dog. We had someone act like our landlady and give the humane society permission for us to adopt and within a few days, we were approved to pick Karma up.

I had no idea the connection she would make with each of us for the next 13 years.....

She adapted to the boys naturally, pulling the kids around the house with rope toys until they all passed out, she slept with the boys the first week with us, she cuddled on the couch with me when I was having a rough day and waited by the door patiently for Kyle to come home every single night.

She was our keeper, our brindle guardian and quickly became our family mascot. Anytime someone came over, Karma was there to work security checking sleeves, giving hugs and happily bossing everyone around...... many years after, when my MS relapse would take my ability to function.... she would become my nurse and full-time companion.

Karma never laughed at me for peeing my pants because I couldn't get to the bathroom fast enough with my legs not working..... Karma never judged me for laying in bed for days crying because of the pain and guilt. She never laughed at me for sitting in the yard having coffee with her and the chicken while I just stared at the grass and never said a word. She never hated me if I yelled or ignored me if I was mad....

My boys are grown now (20/18) and they dont spend time with me as much anymore...but Karma did. Every day. Every minute. Every moment..... She followed me around the house and would even join me for a day of gaming or napping and would sit patiently while I rearranged my plants for the 100th time....

She was..... is...... my soul dog, my heart dog..... My lil angel.....

The day I watched her die was the worst day of my life...... (TW: Pet loss)

Friday the 10th of Jan came so fast........

We let all the family know she was leaving us and that day all her favorite people stopped by.

Her auntie who took care of her through her tumor surgery a few years ago. Auntie brought her treats and some cbd oil to help ease the discomfort.

She got to see her other baby, Cori bug (My niece) who lived with us off an on while growing up. Karma always treated bug like that was just another of her babies. Shed sleep with her on the couch whenever bug stayed with us and was the first to wake bug up with a big kiss.

Her last meal was a chicken sandwhich from burger king, complete with fries and ketchup...

4:30pm..........

..... We walked Karma into her docs office for the last time and helped lift her body on to the table. She didn't fight us or struggle. It was as though she knew..... She laid on her pink and white blanket I got her the week we adopted her, and just looked at me and her daddy.

I held her face and looked her in the eyes telling her what a good girl she is and how much she's changed my life and how I love her, all while the doctor shaved her leg and quietly gave her a shot. Within seconds I watched her light leave her foggy eyes and I knew that my love was gone. If Kyle hadn't been holding on to me, I would have fallen to the floor.... We sobbed together in the vet's office and held her lifeless body as her organs let go. We stroked her fir and picked the fuzz off her sweater and hankerchief while saying our last goodbyes.

We left the office with only her leash that night....

Neither of us could face the kids in the state we were so we just drove. For almost an hour.

Not a word between us.

As we drove, the sky started to change and shift into the most vibrant purples and pinks we had ever seen and in the sky was a singular star starting to peek out and blink. I pointed through the windshield and said "Look baby.... shes telling us she made it.... shes with God now."

We finally headed home and we were not as prepared as we thought... We walked in the house and it was empty....

No tippy tappy toes..... No ears..... no happy tail and "I missed you" awoo's....

We collapsed in the kitchen and held each other sobbing. We both knew right at the moment there was no way we could carry on in an empty house.

We both needed a dog...

Days later we decided to clean up the house and donate some of her things, like her uneaten food. We had literally just been standing around staring at her stuff and crying. All of us were beyond exhausted and just wanted to stop crying.

I had decided before Karma died, that since we had adopted her from the shelter all those years ago, that we would donate her toys, food and scarves to the local shelter so other pups could share the love.

We walked into the shelter with the bag of her stuff and shaking and crying I handed it to a volunteer and tried to say they had belonged to my pup, but the words wouldn't form. I began to blubber and sob on myself again......The lady grabbed me in a big warm hug and told me to go look at the dogs, that it would cheer me up to see their faces.

She had no idea how right she was. We walked the aisles of the sad pups and slowly just meandered as we really just wanted the smell and sounds more than anything. We made a couple passes over all the kennels looking at each pup and reading over there paperwork.

On our 3rd pass in the main area, right as we were getting ready to leave, we spotted a quiet lil guy we hadnt seen before. We both just assumed we looked over his kennel without realizing it, so we read his paperwork......

Intake date: 1/10/2025 3pm.....

Breed: Pitbull mix.....

Age: 10 months old.....

Name: Santos

"Wait.... what....." With tears in his eyes my husband read the pups intake date one more time.....

Intake date: 1/10/25 3pm..... and hour and a half before my baby went across the rainbow bridge......

Kyle and I asked if we could meet him. We had very little expectations but wanted to see what played out anyway and honestly both of us needed a dog fix like you wouldn't believe. We needed slobbery kisses and dog hair caked clothes, like a crackhead needs their next hit.

They sat us in a meeting room and gave us his records to overlook. He had been surrendered due to being "To big" and the previous owners not having time for him. All his records talked about his sweet disposition and need for a family to love him.

At the bottom of his surrender paper it read, "Santos needs a family to spend time with and one that doesnt mind his size." Insert a little giggle here.... I LOVE big dogs. The bigger the pup the bigger the kiss and this pup was not just big but is our fav breed.

While we waited for the handler , We talked about the stigma of what people would think if they knew we went to love on dogs. We were more worried about what people would say to us, then healing the gaping wound we now have in our heart.

The handler brought the pup in, and Kyle and I instantly felt better. There was fur and panting and happy tail. We didn't realize it at the time, but we spent 2 hours with him that day.......... At the end of the 2 hours, we decided to put in an application just to see what would happen. He was a baby and a highly sought after breed so we didn't imagine that we'd ever get first choice.....

But we did....

We left the shelter with our ticket in hand. Within 24 hours we would have a pup, so we decided to break the news to the kids. The announcement was met with some hesitation, of which Kyle and I knew that it would. The boys couldn't understand the decision, they weren't upset though and were willing to give it a chance. After an open family discussion, it was decided that going shopping for toys for the new pup might help us all integrate.

During this period the pups name came into question, and I asked my sons to find out what his kennel name translated to in Spanish so we could adapt his new name to easily fit. The answer confirmed what Kyle and I suspected..... he was meant to be ours.

Santos meant, "Saint"....... Youre kidding.....

Fast forward another 24 hours later and Kyle and I anxiously arrive at the humane society as soon as they open with our new leash and collar, ready to pick up our pup. I walked in with my paperwork and proudly announced I was there to pick up my pup....

I was then met with disappointment as the clerk behind the desk tells me that Santos has yet to see the doctor and needs to pass his exam before he goes home. I was hurt.... I wanted to see him, to bring him a gift and tell him not to worry, that his nights in the kennel are over and he had a home. I asked the girl if I could see him and visit.... and I was denied.

I started to cry and Kyle stepped forward to the counter and said "We have a pickup slip for today? Why cant we see him if we cant pick him up??" The woman went on the explain of type of red tape situation about needing an appointment to visit the dog I just adopted. For the 3rd time since we had been to the shelter we offered to pay for him right away and were told to wait until pick up.

I looked around and found the girl I had initially talked to days before and who had helped us fill out our application, She seemed confused on why we weren't taking him home that day and she got us scheduled to see him the next day.

The nights alone before he got there were the worst. The silence was so loud I could hear nothing else but my own heart breaking. My boys are gamers and had that distraction but at night before my love gets home.... Im alone with just me and my mind... my scary ass mind....

I dont think I slept at all for days. I spent my life in a stupor just going through the motions. Even making dinner was hard with no Karma between my feet....

The next 24 hours went by like frozen molasses going uphill.... Exhausted and burnt out, We arrived at the shelter 15 minutes before they opened and parked on the side of the kennels we knew our new pup was on. The second the doors opened I walked in, approached the counter and said "Im here for Santos.... and Im not leaving without him..."

The girl behind the counter smiled and got our paperwork filed. I was handed all his medical records and a paper saying "Congratulations".

.... We were dog parents again...

Theo the Saint, has entered the chat....

His first photo.....

He smiled like that the whole way home. After we got him home his personality began to come out in all the best ways.

He is a lover. When he's not completely gutting his toys, he's cuddling with his dad. Him and Kyle have formed an instant bond and he is very much so a daddy's boy which warms my heart so much, I had met my soul dog, Im so thankful to witness my love finding his. They go for walks everyday together in our neighborhood and once it gets warmer we plan to make him our regular vacay buddy.

Hes all puppy lol Theo acts like a baby but is in fact 60lbs of pure muscle. Were pending a breed test but as it stands hes a Pointer Pittbull. He has one brindle patch on the right side of his face that reminds us of his big sister Karma and everyday we make sure he knows who she is.

Her memorial sits above baby boys' crate so she can watch over him as he learns to fill the paw prints she left behind on our hearts.

I know you may be reading this and asking yourself if you could do it. Could you adopt a dog after losing your soul dog. I ask you not to think that, but instead.......

Ask yourself if you could withstand the silence in your home after sending your beloved companion over the rainbow bridge?

Could you withstand sitting on the couch in the same spot you always do and not having that face looking at you?

Could you withstand coming home after a long day of work and not hearing your dog rushing to the door to greet you?

Could you handle it if you had to spend the night alone in bed after 13 years of sharing it with your best friend?

I couldn't.

I was to weak to make dinner without a pup between my feet.

I was to weak to roll over at night and not find that big pup had stolen my blanket.

I was to weak to sit in my painting corner and not see a loving face there with me.

I was to weak to sit in my favorite spot on the couch for even a second.....

I was to weak to be alone.....

Theo is learning that we aren't going to dump him like his 4 previous owners (he had 4 owners in 10 months)

Hes learning we are safe people, and we are learning how to open our hearts however sore they may be.

I know there may be people that disagree with our decision to adopt again but I also know that those people dont live in my home. They dont live in my head. So....

Who are they to have an opinion on what I do to save my own life?

Karma saved me the first time.......this time she sent Theo to watch over us.

Welcome to the family lil Theo we cannot wait to share our lives with you.

Youre ours forever bud.