The direct link between Art and Emotion

And how I use them to paint my pieces.

Michaelangelo said, "Art is not a conscious decision but is dictated by the material which seeks to reveal its beauty. The role of the artist, then is to release the sculpture from its primitive shell."

He believed that the art would release itself from the stone with the proper artist. That is similar to how I paint. I've mentioned in posts before I often paint in a fog or a trance like state. Im mentally still coherent but usually focused on my painting.

Rarely do I sit down with a plan.....most of the time it goes just like this....

I grab a blank canvas and 3 colors that correlate directly to how Im feeling at the time. Any 3 colors as long as they mirror the emotion Im carrying.

I have noticed that when Im sad I often paint with a lot of greens and browns which I find odd as neither have ever been a favorite color of mine.

I will literally slap the color on the canvas in whatever order looks the best. Sometimes its well blended, other times I pour it on with a thinner in it, and other times I coat my hands in the color and LITERALLY use my hands to smear it on the canvas.

Then I stare at the painting. Just stare.

(You remember the "eye spy" books when you were younger, sorda like that.)

While I watch the canvas, I wait for it to talk, and I mean that.

The canvas shows me what it wants to be more often than not. Maybe a single brush stroke from applying my 3 colors looked like a tree, or angel wings or a castle.....

And that's when I get to work. Sometimes I don't even know HOW to draw what it is the canvas wants and I end up needing to find references and practice the shapes first.

But I never doubt what it says. Even if I'm completely unsure of the whole thing, I'll continue to paint until I see it make sense.

Likewise, when Im stuck like I have been the last few months..... I cant see much color. Everything is a muted version of what it used to be, browns are just brown, greens are just green and pain for whatever reason still paints purple, but every purple is the wrong purple....

WARNING: if you haven't read any of my other blogs discussing this topic please understand Im a survivor of the darkness. I have lived through several attempts and spend every day battling the voices I speak of. Im not asking for sympathy... merely telling anyone like me whose reading this.. that I understand and see you.*

I don't paint to just paint.

I don't paint cuz its profitable (HAHA its not), I don't paint because I want people to "Look at me! Look what I can do! Look how awesome I am! Validate me!!!!!!!"

I paint because on a daily basis, my mind attempts to murder me.

Every single day. Multiple times a day for usually no reason.

Its like having a demon you grew all on your own living in your head, reverberating every horrible thing you said about yourself or that others have said to you.

How would you react if someone told you, you're a worthless human being and you can go to hell?

You'd probably be mad. Me?

My inner voice laughs and then I hear, "that's funny.... you should live in here hell would be a cakewalk HAHAHAHAHA!"

When I paint, its the only time that lil asshole in my head goes to sleep.

Almost like he gets bored of me trying to heal myself and just says "Fuck it, I'm taking a nap."

Youd think that that would make me want to paint all the time, sadly it doesn't. I don't force my art and I only paint when I feel called to it. If I try to paint when Im not feeling it, it doesn't go well. I usually trash the canvas or paint over whatever was there later.

In conclusion....

I don't paint to be popular......

I don't paint for attention, validation or internet clout from strangers.

I don't paint because I have something to prove.

I paint because my mind tries to kill me.... And when I hide inside my paintings, I end up finding my best self in those places.

All my Love

CR

**Author Note: PLEASE..... Do NOT tell your depressed or suicidal friends to "reach out".... they've likely done that already.

They've posted songs, poems, called you or messaged you late, or not at all for days or even weeks. They've told you how all the color from life has disappeared and then I imagine that a couple months went by, and they stopped talking about it.

You think that because they stopped talking about it, its over now....

It didn't stop..... I can promise you.

They just wanted to stop from telling you the same thing over and over and over......

The last things we want is to burden the only person that still listens..... So we shut down, stop talking about it and say "Im fine" when you do a tender footed check in....

Meanwhile, we are literally hanging on for dear life as a circle of voices in their head feed us a million reasons to not exist anymore all before we pour our morning coffee.....

So don't....

Don't tell them to reach out.... They already did that.